rambling

Thanksgiving was yummy. Still have lots of leftovers (we cooked 2 turkeys, 2 breasts and 10 lbs of potatoes for 6 people... we love turkey) that will hit the freezer today or tomorrow. Little pockets of yumminess for the cold winter to come.

Speaking of winter, we had our first snows of the season over the weekend. Just enough to leave the landscape fresh and clean, but not enough to require snowplows. Perfect. More snow scheduled for tomorrow...

Ate a yummy veggie muffaletta on Sunday when I took bakery-owner-wannabe daughter back to college. She took me to her favorite lunch place (my treat of course). She had an incredible grilled cheese that had fresh basil and basil pesto and a bunch of other wonderful stuff on some incredible bread. Bread definitely is the most important piece of a grilled cheese. No combination of wonderful ingredients can be good without a great base to put it on.

Only son went hunting for ducks on Sunday. He shot one but through a series of unfortunate events gave it to one of his hunting buddies. Duck in the turkey fryer would have been interesting.

Last summer (June 27 to be exact) we refiled our 2006 income taxes, as we claimed a cash gift we received as income when we shouldn't have. We even listed it as a cash gift when we originally filed. But the IRS didn't have the decency to tell us. So once we found out we refiled, and the check finally arrived yesterday. Now I should be able to pay my Christmas bills.

Another basketball game to watch tonight for basketball daughter. Thinking good shooting and rebounding thoughts her way.

So

So it's interesting learning a new job. Well not so much a new job as a new industry - agriculture. Specifically dairy. Did you know cows udders can be lopsided? Who knew? And only certain types of cows are dairy cows? I marveled at the thought! When my boss asks me if a certain picture looks ok, I say of course, only to learn my dairy-neophyte status has yet again been reinforced. Too skinny... cows with brown spots are a genetic anomaly... and of course we never want to show cows with dirt on them, or cows with (heaven forbid) flies buzzing around. So closing out my first full month of my new job, I can honestly say it challenges my brain and I learn something new every day. And the "newbie" look that everyone shoots me once in a while isn't condescending. So far I really like everyone I am working with.

So holiday time. I suppose I should touch on that. We are again taking to the southern tradition of deep fried turkey for Thanksgiving. It keeps spouse busy and out of the kitchen. My aspiring bakery-owner-child is at home now whipping up some yummy rolls from scratch. I have about six vegetable peelers (because I could never find one when I needed one), so we can all sit around the table peeling potatoes in the morning because everyone insists that using flakes means it's not really Thanksgiving. That leaves pies, green bean casserole and sweet potatoes. I think graphics daughter will be taking care of one or more of those. Am I a good delgator or what?

So I am a little bit sad that basketball daughter isn't going to make it home. I sure hope she doesn't spend it alone like she was talking about. Thanksgiving is for families, whether they're your own, or you're just adopting...

So I am making plans to get professional pictures done of our family. It's all my mom has asked for for the last three years... sigh. It's expensive, but I think it might be one of the last chances we have to do this.

Once again employed, I contemplate

Having passed the perpetual panic of unemployment, I seem to have time to go back to some of the more esoteric thoughts of life.

One of the significant people in my life doesn't seem to be able to fathom my longing for a conflict-free personal life, so I have been thinking a lot about why. Here are some of my initial thoughts:

• Conflict takes energy. I do not see myself as an energetic person, and in fact, I usually have an energy deficit just performing my normal day-to-day responsibilities. I covet personal time with my family and friends to recharge, not deplete me.
• I fulfill any need for conflict virtually these days. And mostly what I mean by that is reality TV. When this phenomenon first appeared on our tv in the form of "Survivor", I thought it was really dumb. But I find myself getting caught up in the ones where I can actually imagine myself (in another life) as a competitor - Top Chef, Project Runway, a lot of the Bravo, career-specific ones. (Believe me, running around in a remote location is NOT my thing.) I can imagine myself in the place of the chefs, designers, decorators, and even the rich housewives. Their conflict becomes my conflict, neatly resolved at the end of the season, if not the end of the episode. My desire for the mental stimulation that my amigo craves is fulfilled through the TV screen. I don't need it live.
• Conflict can be stimulating, but the negative is that in this day and age of limited restraint of expression, it can and most often is painful. Even playing the "devil's advocate" (in my experience) often devolves into personal insult wrapped up in intellectual proposition. Either we no longer have the thick skin of our forebearers who spoke for hours on end at debates in front of large crowds, or we no longer have the ability to edit what we say and do. I prefer to avoid hurting people.

Musing for today is done. We'll see what else crosses my neurons in the coming days.

Election muse

So I have been avoiding thinking about the upcoming election... the dog hair piling up in the corner is more interesting to me. Early voting starts October 21 here, and I have pretty much decided to take advantage so I don't get caught up in the huge lines that I am thinking will appear.

The winds of change are blowing strongly across these midwestern plains. I don't really like the options on either side. A ridiculously liberal politician against a ridiculously old man. Sigh. And I guess the older I get, the more centrist I get. I can definitely relate to the "Why can't we all just get along?" sentiment. Why do we see compromise as a sign of weakness? In life, if you acted like that you would never get anything done. Even when things happen that you don't like, you have to find a way to put it in the past and move forward. Who cares how they voted on the war? What are they going to do about it once they get into office? Who cares whose fault it is that the economy is struggling? How are they going to move it forward? You can't move anywhere in Washington without cooperation of the party you ran against in the election. Like most of the country, I am tired of the Congress acting like a bunch of toddlers fighting over who gets to play in the sandbox. We elected you so you could ALL play. So get in there and play nice.

Happy birthday

Today my dad would have been 71. I'm so glad that the passage of time begins to heal the hurt. His last years were so hard. I think I know the feeling of helplessness that alcoholics have. I hope he has some peace now.

Breathe in deeply

Fall is in the air. I miss the color filled falls of the northeast, a treat for my eyes. Here in Kansas, there isn't as much for the eye this time of year. But you can't keep out the scent of the changing seasons. When the weather hits the point where you wear shorts and a sweatshirt, breathe deeply. The cool promise of maturity, a vision of the time of rest to come... The rains haven't come yet, and we still need to mow the lawn, but I can smell it. Fall has a foot in the door, and is saying hello to us all.

At the end of the limb

My recent job search has allowed me to fully embrace the whole "big risk=big reward" experience. While I have not fully realized the reward piece, embarking on a change of direction for my career has led me farther and farther out on the proverbial limb. Trust and patience are things I must experience daily. But the limb sure feels shaky right now. I have the confidence that I am able to excel. Right now I just need someone to take the risk on me, and pull me back onto the more stable part of the branch.

Back to the sticks...

I have picked up my knitting again in the last couple of days. Finished up a pair of socks for child #3. When those were done I pulled out a sweater I had started in the most gorgeous shade of green alpaca. The back and most of the front pieces were finished. But I had been avoiding it because I had been away from it so long that I was afraid I would never be able to figure out where I had left off on the pattern. I think I mostly figured it out, and it seems that I can fudge the places where I need decrease extra stitches on the neck line so my stitch count ends up where it should be. My goal is to finish the fronts today (about 4" left to go). Then I will only have the sleeves and sewing it together. I'm slightly worried that I don't have enough yarn. So I will knit both sleeves at the same time, and if I need to make it 3/4 length sleeves, so be it.

Tomorrow I must go and do a dreaded deed. My heart has been broken for a couple weeks thinking about it. I know it must be done. So I will go and do it. Sigh... Afterwards, I have made plans to spend time with family and friends, hoping that they will shore up my resolve and get me headed back into life.

The job front is in limbo. I have a really good position where I am one of two finalists. My final interview is done, and now I am waiting for the other candidate to finish. There is an offer of a another job on the table, but it is not as good of a fit, so I am waiting until I hear on the first one. As always, I am cruising the job sites, looking for more potential future employers. I will be glad when this season of my life is behind me.

Today is the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. When I remember that, my problems seem so small.

Caught Unawares

Life has a way of being amusing... While the photograh at the left is less than professional (taken with my cell phone zoomed as far in as possible), I believe you can discern two fellow travelers that joined us briefly for the afternoon walk with the dogs. As it happens, we were being followed unawares by the two deer until Gizmo had to take care of his "business." Gizmo has an unusual habit when we get to that point in the walk. He runs in crazy, tight circles five or six times before he squats. Giz was in his third or fourth turn, and suddenly bolted forward about six feet, and then started circling again. He finally completed the ritual turns, and as he was mid-business, he was looking back over his shoulder doing his high pitch whine. When I turned to look, so did Ginger. Immediately Ginger figured out what was going on and stood watching at attention. Once Ginger was at attention, Gizmo (interrupting his business) joined in the stare-down. Being shy things and suddenly the center of attention, the deer took off from whence they came, white tails flashing. And once the deer were running, the doggie adrenaline was flowing and their demeanor came just short of rabid. Since they had both done their stuff, I cut the walk short and headed home, chuckling at poor Gizmo, who apparently didn't like to be the evening show for the deer.

Midlife fashion

Oh, a little over a year and a half ago I had a certain body part removed that at my age I no longer need, since it was causing me some painful problems on a regular (monthly) basis. (Not too veiled of a reference, I agree.) Because of the problems I was having, it was a phenomenally great decision. (Not to mention my brilliant surgeon - my recovery was days, not weeks.) But it did induce certain, and unpredictable, changes that women of a certain age invariably endure.

At first, I would be unaware of the event even taking place. It was quite interesting when I was sitting in the stands at a basketball game, and stand up to cheer, and notice the back of my pants were slightly more "humid" than when I had arrived. Nothing too annoying or noticeable. Just a wee bit...damp. As the months have progressed, so has the irregularity of my internal thermostat. It reminds me somewhat of a toddler, finally tall enough to reach a switch or a dial, and can't keep their hands off. Hot, cold, just fine. And the toddler never sleeps. Just play, play, play all day and night with the dial... sigh...

So fashion choices for this season of life are interesting. Especially as I head out to potential employers for interviews. What appears to be nervous moisture on my forehead is really nothing more than a purely hormonal reaction. I really want to wear a jacket to my interviews - being professional and such. I just worry about my favorite little toddler turning the dial as I expound upon the virtues of my work habits and experience, and they'll think I'm trying to pull the wool over their eyes when the sweat starts to bead on my upper lip. And as the weather has turned convincingly towards fall this week, the sleeveless option really isn't much of an option anymore.

So, even though I must stand strategizing in my closet much longer that my sensibilities can stand, the decision to have the offending body part summarily cast off still brings me joy.

Empty-handed

Taking definitive action invariably has consequences. Hope always looks for the positive. Often times the initial reaction to the action is negative. But much like the ingredient of time and tossing in the waves turns broken glass, tossed uncaring into the ocean into beautiful sea glass, so am I hoping that time, patience and the initial abrasion of my action will eventually turn into beauty. Fortunately I am not alone in this.

On Unemployment

The weekly reminder that I have still not procured employment arrived in the mailbox today. That itty-bitty check from the unemployment office evokes an interesting mix of relief and humiliation. While it helps buy a few bags of groceries, it's definitely not enough to live on. And with my severance pay running out I am glad I have several good prospects in the queue.

The interviewing process is interesting. With the internet available to research prospective employers, knowing what a company is about (the business side) is fairly easy. What is fun is to ferret out is how you would fit into their personnel puzzle. The kinds of questions the interviewer asks you, who else they bring into the interview, how much they expect you to query them all gives you a little clue about how you would work together. Lots to think about. Keeps me busy in my dreams.

The biggest thing I have to keep in mind is to not lose hope. I tend to obsess a little bit if I don't find five or ten new places to send my resume every day. Obsessing can be a good thing when you something constructive to pick to death. When you are depending on the randomness of pixels flying over the net to take your well-defined qualifications to some faceless potential employer, it can be a little bit nerve wracking when you don't hear anything. Ever. I understand the appeal of employers in putting that wall between their HR department (if it's a large enough company) and the hordes. When you're on this end, though, it occasionally feels like they're telling you to "let them eat cake" when there's no response at all.

So hope. Counting my blessings. All the interviews I have had so far have progressed to second interviews. Several of the companies will go through a third round, and I am optimistic that I will get invited. And there's always the five or ten resumes that I will send out tomorrow.

Truth Matters

Truth matters.
Lies hurt.

Just because you don't speak the lie doesn't mean you're not lying.

Hitting .750

If I were a baseball player and got a hit every three out of four at bats, I would be the greatest baseball player of all time. In the midst of every day life, parents should remember that.

The third of our four children left for college this weekend. We deposited #2 last week in Atlanta, and #1 just started her graduate program in Warrensburg. We have one left at home, and all signs are that despite the bumps in the road, he'll make it out successfully as well. If I were a baseball player, I'd go straight to the hall of fame.

People ask me if I have started feeling the "empty nest." Well, sure. But when I had children, I moved a lot of the other things in my life out of the nest for the season in life of raising them. I am transitioning out of the child season, and looking forward to what the next season of life will bring. The possibilities are so exciting, it's sometimes hard to remember feel sad as the current season draws to a close.

So what will it take to be a good hitter in the next phase?

I was watching when...

My mom always talks about knowing exactly where she was when President John F. Kennedy was assasinated. I think that perhaps I will always remember exactly where I was when the United States men's swimming team won the 4 x 100 freestyle relay at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. The United States trailed for the majority of the race, and in the last meter, with a Herculean effort, won by .08 seconds, dropping almost four seconds off the world record.

If you haven't seen it, find a video of it. Watching the actual race will be worth your effort. It's truly one of the most exciting finishes to an athletic event that I have ever seen. But then make sure you understand the context.

First, there is the fact that the top five teams all turned in times under world record pace. The top three teams will go home with medals for their efforts. But can you imagine the heartbreak of teams four and five, swimming under world record pace with nothing to show for it in the end? Somehow, telling them that "at least you have the experience of competing in the Olympics", seems a little trite.

Second, there is Michael Phelps, who is attempting to break Mark Spitz's gold medal record by earning 8 gold medals in one Olympics. This was the event where he was most vulnerable to losing that bid. From all reports, he is a driven yet humble athlete who puts himself out at 100% every day. And his hope for his goal is still alive.

Then there is the French relay racer, Alain Bernard, who also is a talented swimmer and is a world record holder in the 100 meter freestyle. But he will probably never be known for that talent. He will always be the one who claimed he and his team could "smash" the Americans in this race, but in the end couldn't deliver.

What about the three American swimmers who swam in the preliminaries, qualifying the team in first position by breaking what was then the world record. The talent pool of American swimmers was so deep that only one of the swimmers (Jones) was able to actually swim in the finals, despite the amazing performance they gave. It is fortunate that all seven of them will be receiving medals. And all seven of them will be able to tell their children and grandchildren that they held a world record.

But my favorite story of this event is the story of Jason Lezak, who swam the final leg. Thirty-two years old, swimming this event for the third time in his third Olympics, had been on the 2000 and 2004 relay teams that had not won gold. Those two teams were the only two teams in over 50 years that had not come home with gold. By the time he dove into the pool last night, he was almost a full body length behind the French swimmer Bernard. He was still behind at the turn. But not wanting to go home without his gold, not wanting to disappoint his team, not wanting to be the reason that Phelps didn't make it to his goal of eight gold medals, he turned in the fastest time for a leg on this relay in history. He had never swum that fast. He probably didn't imagine that he could swim that fast. But he could imagine himself on that top step of the podium. He could imagine the faces of his teammates, and his country, if he didn't swim the race of his life. And he used all his training, all of his 20 years of experience in the pool, all of his heart and soul, and that 32-year-old body to make it happen.

You know, we won't all have the chance to make an impact in so many ways on a world stage. But we can have the same kind of impact with our families, friends, and co-workers. Sacrifice and determination and hard work is all you need. You may not get a gold medal for a reward. You may not even know the impact you have on someone elses life. But there will be an impact. There will be a reward. Never fear. I want that reward. Do you?

Snow in August?

Ah, the joys of teenagers. We got TP'd by some girls last night. Between my handsome 17-year-old son who has dated several of the girls, and his older sister who coaches the girls in basketball, I think we were doomed when they decided to get together for a team building event. I don't really mind the getting TP'd part. I'm glad that those girls think enough of the two of them to make us a stop on their midnight running around. It's the arguing between the two of them about who is going to clean it up that makes my eyes cross and steam come out my ears. At almost 17 and 20, you would think that I would have given them the skills by this point to be able to settle it in a fair way. But I still get the familiar , "Moooommm.... he/she won't...." I hope they can act more adult out in the world.



At what point do we, if ever, make the transition out of seeing our parents as the arbiters of arguements with our siblings? As much as I love my sister, and think she is a great person now, I don't believe I ever really cared what she was thinking when I was growing up. If she had anything against the way I acted, I certainly didn't give it enough credence to commit it to memory. Certainly the fact that we haven't lived together in 30 years, or even in the same state for that period probably has contributed to the genial feelings I have for her now.



Is it the time heals all wounds theory? I can kind of see that with my children now. My oldest, who had multiple issues as a child, didn't have very good social skills. Her siblings kind of saw her as a creature from Mars on her good days, and spawn of the devil on bad days. Time and distance have mostly removed the horns from her head, but they tend to peek out when they spend more than a few hours together.

Doggieness

I'm sitting on my rear tonight, watching the men's gymnastic competition on the Olympic coverage. Kind of a snoozer. The women's beach volleyball was much better. Michael Phelps is amazing. And that 41 year old women's swimmer... I have no words to tell you how much I am in awe of her because my chin is on the floor every time I think about her.

I have two dogs, thus the name of the blog. Gizmo and Ginger are both part basenji. Giz is also part lab, and thus he is an old soul. Ginger is part german shepherd. Since she's just over a year, she's a bit of a wild child still, and the instigator. Right now they are sitting crashed on the other couch next to me. They got a trip to the dog park tonight, so I think they're pretty well worn out. Giz is full of old man groans, which is a pretty good sign for him. And Ginger is sucking her tongue in her sleep. I thought only people did that. More groans. I wish I slept that well.

I am currently jobless, having been RIF'd about three weeks ago from the company where I worked. I had some encouraging initial response to my resume, and I thought I did well with the interviews, but didn't close the deal. So now I am weighing my options. Where does God really want me for this next phase of my life? I am thinking about doing some freelance writing. I suppose that part of the reason for starting the blog is to have some credibility in this digital age as a writer. And so it begins.