At the end of the limb

My recent job search has allowed me to fully embrace the whole "big risk=big reward" experience. While I have not fully realized the reward piece, embarking on a change of direction for my career has led me farther and farther out on the proverbial limb. Trust and patience are things I must experience daily. But the limb sure feels shaky right now. I have the confidence that I am able to excel. Right now I just need someone to take the risk on me, and pull me back onto the more stable part of the branch.

Back to the sticks...

I have picked up my knitting again in the last couple of days. Finished up a pair of socks for child #3. When those were done I pulled out a sweater I had started in the most gorgeous shade of green alpaca. The back and most of the front pieces were finished. But I had been avoiding it because I had been away from it so long that I was afraid I would never be able to figure out where I had left off on the pattern. I think I mostly figured it out, and it seems that I can fudge the places where I need decrease extra stitches on the neck line so my stitch count ends up where it should be. My goal is to finish the fronts today (about 4" left to go). Then I will only have the sleeves and sewing it together. I'm slightly worried that I don't have enough yarn. So I will knit both sleeves at the same time, and if I need to make it 3/4 length sleeves, so be it.

Tomorrow I must go and do a dreaded deed. My heart has been broken for a couple weeks thinking about it. I know it must be done. So I will go and do it. Sigh... Afterwards, I have made plans to spend time with family and friends, hoping that they will shore up my resolve and get me headed back into life.

The job front is in limbo. I have a really good position where I am one of two finalists. My final interview is done, and now I am waiting for the other candidate to finish. There is an offer of a another job on the table, but it is not as good of a fit, so I am waiting until I hear on the first one. As always, I am cruising the job sites, looking for more potential future employers. I will be glad when this season of my life is behind me.

Today is the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. When I remember that, my problems seem so small.

Caught Unawares

Life has a way of being amusing... While the photograh at the left is less than professional (taken with my cell phone zoomed as far in as possible), I believe you can discern two fellow travelers that joined us briefly for the afternoon walk with the dogs. As it happens, we were being followed unawares by the two deer until Gizmo had to take care of his "business." Gizmo has an unusual habit when we get to that point in the walk. He runs in crazy, tight circles five or six times before he squats. Giz was in his third or fourth turn, and suddenly bolted forward about six feet, and then started circling again. He finally completed the ritual turns, and as he was mid-business, he was looking back over his shoulder doing his high pitch whine. When I turned to look, so did Ginger. Immediately Ginger figured out what was going on and stood watching at attention. Once Ginger was at attention, Gizmo (interrupting his business) joined in the stare-down. Being shy things and suddenly the center of attention, the deer took off from whence they came, white tails flashing. And once the deer were running, the doggie adrenaline was flowing and their demeanor came just short of rabid. Since they had both done their stuff, I cut the walk short and headed home, chuckling at poor Gizmo, who apparently didn't like to be the evening show for the deer.

Midlife fashion

Oh, a little over a year and a half ago I had a certain body part removed that at my age I no longer need, since it was causing me some painful problems on a regular (monthly) basis. (Not too veiled of a reference, I agree.) Because of the problems I was having, it was a phenomenally great decision. (Not to mention my brilliant surgeon - my recovery was days, not weeks.) But it did induce certain, and unpredictable, changes that women of a certain age invariably endure.

At first, I would be unaware of the event even taking place. It was quite interesting when I was sitting in the stands at a basketball game, and stand up to cheer, and notice the back of my pants were slightly more "humid" than when I had arrived. Nothing too annoying or noticeable. Just a wee bit...damp. As the months have progressed, so has the irregularity of my internal thermostat. It reminds me somewhat of a toddler, finally tall enough to reach a switch or a dial, and can't keep their hands off. Hot, cold, just fine. And the toddler never sleeps. Just play, play, play all day and night with the dial... sigh...

So fashion choices for this season of life are interesting. Especially as I head out to potential employers for interviews. What appears to be nervous moisture on my forehead is really nothing more than a purely hormonal reaction. I really want to wear a jacket to my interviews - being professional and such. I just worry about my favorite little toddler turning the dial as I expound upon the virtues of my work habits and experience, and they'll think I'm trying to pull the wool over their eyes when the sweat starts to bead on my upper lip. And as the weather has turned convincingly towards fall this week, the sleeveless option really isn't much of an option anymore.

So, even though I must stand strategizing in my closet much longer that my sensibilities can stand, the decision to have the offending body part summarily cast off still brings me joy.

Empty-handed

Taking definitive action invariably has consequences. Hope always looks for the positive. Often times the initial reaction to the action is negative. But much like the ingredient of time and tossing in the waves turns broken glass, tossed uncaring into the ocean into beautiful sea glass, so am I hoping that time, patience and the initial abrasion of my action will eventually turn into beauty. Fortunately I am not alone in this.